Trust Creates Confidence
Here’s something not a lot of people know about me. I don’t rehearse for my speaking engagements. In fact, I usually don’t create more than a general outline for the topic I am going to be speaking on. As an Equine Behaviour Specialist I have to fine tune my ability to show up, be present and align with the energy in front of me. When I do this I open the door to align with whatever higher good wants to unfold. It’s transferred to all other aspects of my life, such as my speaking engagements. When I show up in the moment everything always seems to unfold even better than I could have imagined.
I recently finished up a live Calm & Confident classroom series on a Wednesday night and gave a talk on equine behaviour the following evening. Each group was communicative and engaged, which I love. Both nights a topic that wasn’t on my general outline for the evenings came up. The subject was trust. It was discussed in regards to our trust in ourselves, our trust in others and our horses trust in us. In the days following the talks the subject of trust has been on my mind, especially it’s correlation with confidence.
I experience trust as my ability to tune into my own body, emotions and intuitive knowing’s. It is not something that I can hold anyone else accountable for. In the beginning this was a hard pill for me to swallow. However, looking back I realized that every time I judged someone for breaking my trust I had actually over ridden my own instincts because I wanted the situation to be different than it was. Furthermore, I identified just as many times when I chose to listen to the messages I was receiving from my body, emotions and intuition (often despite having a mental reason) I avoided or lessened the impact of situations that were potentially harmful.
As I took accountability of my trust I noticed something else happening. My confidence grew. I began to feel safer and, in turn, calmer. When a problem arose I was able to seek advice but then filter it to see which parts felt in alignment for me and which didn’t. I could take advantage of the best of both worlds—my internal guidance and the expert opinions available to me. This was a turning point for me, in both the horse industry and my life in general.
Here’s the truth. Trust begets trust, confidence begets confidence. Unfortunately many of our experts in the equine industry are exceptionally good at what they do but they operate from a place of fear…and you probably guessed it; fear begets fear. The fear I’m talking about in regards to these experts isn’t fear of horses. It’s their fear of lack, of not having enough, of not being provided for and of not being valued. This fear manifests as the need to make themselves right and make you need them. You may be wondering what this looks like.
It usually reveals itself as a need to prove themselves. Perhaps they publically criticize other methods or other trainers. They spend as much time, if not more, telling you why other methods don’t work compared to sharing how theirs do. They speak down to clinic participants, making others feel lesser or not good enough. Their exercises and examples are set up for you to realize what you are doing wrong, or how little you know, instead of opening you up to a new perspective and supporting you in learning the skills to achieve it. The biggest giveaway is from the horses. The expert may be telling you one thing but the horse they are working with will always give you the real story. If their words are not in alignment with what the horse is sharing there is a very good chance their not coming from a place of integrity.
The reality is if these trainers don’t trust their own abilities enough to show up authentically, and in integrity, they are not going to be able to create the space for you to trust your own instincts. This is ironic because as a successful horsewoman my ability to trust the information I am being given—from myself and the horse—has been essential in my ability to help others. It has allowed me to differentiate between helpful skills shared by an expert, and the advice they give when functioning from fear.
My intention for writing this article is not to criticize the amazing horsemen and horsewomen who share their knowledge with us. I am forever indebted to many of them for leading the path to a healthier, happier relationship with horses and humans. I have learned so much from so many experts and I highly recommend you do the same. I simply wish for you to experience true trust, as you tune in to each situation and recognize the part of you that knows best. Nobody knows how to be you better than you. When you honour that part of yourself that already knows your confidence will begin to soar!